Broken Hearts
by rmncfan
Summary: This takes place after Strange Bedfellows. What they are thinking and then what happens later. All 3 chapters are up now. RayNeela.
1. Chapter 1

Immediately following Strange Bedfellows

Ray

When she gave him the shirt and said "I rather liked sleeping in it," it nearly broke his heart. It conjured up images in his mind – images he wasn't allowed to have and images he would rather not see there. It just made it worse. Images of her waking up next to him in nothing but his shirt. God, he didn't think he could ever wear it again without thinking of her in it. He couldn't let her leave – even if he wasn't allowed to be in love with her she needed to know she was his best friend. When he said the words "I wish I didn't feel the way I feel" it was true. He thought he saw something in her eyes. There were tears there. He thought there was pain there, too. He didn't want that. He just wanted it to be like it used to be since it couldn't be the way he dreamed about.

Neela

When he told her he wished he didn't feel the way he felt, her heart broke. She looked at him – at the pain in his eyes – and she just wanted to put her hand to his face and tell him she felt the same way. But it would be wrong. Someone else was depending on her to be strong. She would not betray that trust. Even though she had to hurt someone she loved. She hoped when he looked at her he could read her thoughts. She wanted him to know, not that she loved him, because that was wrong, but that she would never hurt him if things were different. When he tried to hand her the shirt, she knew if she took it, he might have hope and she couldn't hurt him like that. If she hurt him a little bit now, maybe he could move on. If only SHE could……

Neela avoided him at work. She tried to get on nights because he was on days. But Dubenko told her they needed her where she was right now. At least she was a surgical intern now. That meant unless the ER needed her for a consult, it was pretty easy to avoid Ray. She just needed to be away from him, not talk to him, and he would get over those feelings. And she would too, once Michael was home. It was just the hormones. _Jesus, who am I trying to convince, here? Myself?_

Abby was flagging her down. Couldn't avoid her, unfortunately. "Neela, what is going on with you and Ray?" Well, she got right to the point, didn't she. "I don't know what you are blathering on about, Abby. There is nothing going on," Neela said. "Right, that's why you are avoiding each other and you practically run the other way when you see him. And that's why he looks at you then looks away. Did you sleep with him or something?" "ABBY! How could you think I would do that to Michael?" "Sorry, but something's going on." _Great, I am probably the talk of the hospital. Oh well, it can't be helped. _

They came into admitting looking for Neela. Two soldiers. _That cannot be good, _Ray thought. _She should not be alone. But it can't be me. Not unless she asks. Abby will go to her._ Abby took the soldiers up the elevator to the surgical floor. Ray could not resist following them. It was like watching a train wreck. He saw her face, then he saw her collapse into Abby's arms. Time stood still.

_Oh my God, this is my fault. I didn't love Michael enough to keep him home and now he's dead. _She collapsed into Abby's arms and over Abby's shoulder she could see Ray. He looked tortured. Guilty too. She let go of Abby and ran over to Ray without thinking. She couldn't stop herself. She needed him to comfort her. "Abby, I am taking her home – can you clear it with Weaver?" He didn't wait for her reply. Neela needed him, HIM.

On the ride home, she started to shiver and her teeth began to chatter. _Shock,_ he thought. I need to keep her warm. He quickly got her out of the car and into his apartment. She sat woodenly down on the couch and he brought her a blanket and some tea. She looked mutely at him and he sat down next to her. She moved closer, as if she couldn't get warm enough. He put his arms around her and she moved onto his lap, almost spilling the tea. He took it out of her hands and just held her. Her hands were so cold. She needed to warm them up. She felt his muscles tense when she lifted his t-shirt and put her cold hands on his warm back. He tightened his hold on her, willing her to warm up. She started to cry, silently and he held her until she fell asleep.


	2. Chapter 2

Ray woke up with a leg cramp and tried very hard not to disturb Neela's sleep while he changed positions. She looked so peaceful. Finally. As if all her energy was spent. He wondered what Michael's death would mean for the two of them. He felt guilty just for thinking how their situation might change now. _What kind of person am I that I can be so selfish? _He couldn't help it though. He knew she would need time to sort through her feelings but now they had that time. He would not rush her. He would gladly go back to being her roommate and friend until she was ready for more. She was worth the wait.

Neela woke up feeling safe. It was the first time in a very long time that she had felt safe. She knew her feelings for Ray were real but she was not ready to move to the next stage in their relationship just yet. It would not be fair to Ray or to Michael's memory. But she decided then that she would move back in with Ray and see how things went from there. She just knew she needed his presence in her life. She wanted him to understand that she needed time to get over Michael and the guilt she felt. She did not want that guilt to affect her relationship with Ray. Somehow, he knew that without her speaking. He never mentioned his feelings for her again.

So they tentatively began the dance. He was supportive and funny and she was her usual sarcastic self. She wondered on the nights he stayed out late if there were other women. He never brought anyone home and he still looked at her with want in his eyes but she couldn't expect him to be celibate. Ray was Ray, after all. She smiled. Since the night she found out Michael died, they had not touched each other with the intimacy they showed that night. He was afraid to make her uncomfortable and she was just plain afraid. If she tried very hard, she could still remember the warmth of his body wrapped around hers.

Ray came home from another late night gig. He looked at Neela and sighed. _Is she ever going to be ready to accept what I have to give her? I wonder what she is thinking right now. _

"Late night, huh? Did you get lucky?" _I cannot believe I asked him that. God I am pathetic. What do I expect him to say? And how can I be jealous when I haven't given him any clues what I want. I am not sure I am ready for this but I will never know if I don't try. _

"Jealous?" Ray chuckled. "Of course not, I am just interested." Neela retorted. "Don't flatter yourself, you conceited wanker. And it is your turn to do the dishes. I am going to bed." She said a little too sharply. Ray looked at her and gave her his trademark grin. "No, Neela, I did not get lucky. Satisfied?" She _was_ actually, and went off to bed with a smile on her face.

Ray noticed that their relationship began to change gradually. When they accidentally bumped one another in the ER halls there was a heat that hadn't been there before. When he looked at her with longing she no longer looked away with regret. _Maybe she is finally moving towards me._ He refused to make the first move. It was still up to her.

Neela felt the heat too. She always knew it was there, in the back of her mind but she had never let it loose before. _I want him. I need him. And it is time I told him that. He has waited long enough._ Strangely, she did not feel guilty anymore. She felt nervous. This would change everything. But she thought it would be worth it.


	3. Chapter 3

Okay, now that she had decided what she wanted to do, she had to figure out how to get there. _This could take some planning. _

Ray was having a really shitty day. He woke up late to find Neela had already left for the hospital. He was late to work and Weaver yelled at him. He got a trauma patient with a stake through his chest. _You don't see that every day. What am I, Buffy the vampire slayer, now? _Ray thought grumpily. The guy was now in surgery with Neela and the day had barely started. Maybe he could go check on the guy later. And stop by to see Neela at the same time.

After suturing some idiot in Trauma 1 who was drunk off his ass and cut himself on a beer bottle, Ray decided it was time to go check on Vampire Dude. And see Neela. Neela was monitoring Vampire Dude's vitals. They had operated on his injury but there was extensive damage to his heart. _Something we have in common._ She thought wryly. When she saw Ray, she knew from looking at him that he had come to see her. She smiled enticingly. Ray was knocked out. "I-I-I came to see Vampire Dude. How's he doing?" "Okay, considering. Hey, want to have dinner tonight? I'm cooking." "Sure." _Is something going on here? God I hope so. Maybe this day isn't going to be as shitty as I thought._

Neela got off a little early to get ready for dinner. She was planning on cooking something spicy – not that she needed to heat anything up between them. _You know, this would almost be easier if I didn't care so much. And if he wasn't so damned GORGEOUS. He can have any woman he wants – all he has to do was give them that smile. _It was really rather infuriating. She decided to wear something a little provocative.

By the time Ray got home she had had two glasses of wine and was feeling much less nervous. He walked in and saw her and stared. She was wearing a backless top and a some really short shorts. She looked beautiful and sexy. _Shit, I am in serious trouble here. Does she have any idea how long it has been since I had sex? Just keep your hands to yourself, Barnett. THAT will be hard. Never mind, it already is. Get your mind out of the gutter, Barnett. _"Was I supposed to dress for the occasion?" Ray asked. "No, I was just hot." Neela said as she looked at him and stuck out her tongue. _And you still are. Stop it, Barnett. You are in such trouble here._

Neela called him over to the stove. "Taste this." _I'd like to. STOP IT!_ She put the spoon up to his mouth and looked up at him. He tasted it. It was very hot. "It's hot but tasty." They shared a look and he started to lean over to kiss her when she turned back to the stove. _Nice timing, Barnett._ "Hey, Ray.." Neela said. "Yeah?" "Are you a good kisser?" _Where the hell did that come from? _"I've never had any complaints." He grinned. "Well, I don't think that really qualifies as feedback. After all, look at you. You are in a band, you have groupies hanging on your every word. They probably couldn't care less if you are actually a good kisser or not. And they certainly wouldn't tell you if you weren't." He had actually never thought of it that way before. "I haven't had nearly as much experience as you have, but in my experience most guys slobber all over you then go in for the kill," she said. "You make it sound so romantic," he said. _Okay, enough talk. _He turned her back around and kissed her gently on the lips. Softly and slowly. He deepened the kiss. She opened her mouth. _Okay, so he was a REALLY good kisser. _When they came up for air, she said "The jury's still out. I think, in the interest of science, I'll need more research." He led her over to the couch. "No problem, I didn't even give you my A-game."

They sat down on the couch and he leaned in to kiss her again. She moved away from him long enough to move over and sit on his lap. When she leaned down, her shirt fell away from her chestwhich gavehim a glimpse of what was under it. Nothing. _Do not go there, Barnett, she is still recovering from her husband's death. _He didn't know what to do with his hands. He wanted to touch her, but he was afraid it was too soon. He settled for putting them around her waist but they landed dangerously close to the tie that was holding her shirt together. _Careful. _

After they had kissed for awhile and nothing else had happened, Neela asked "Hey, Ray?" "Yeah?" "You any good in bed?" _Oh crap. _"Never had any complaints." "Again, I am really not so sure that is constructive feedback." She took him by the hand and led him into the bedroom. He had a really stupid grin on his face.

Later, Neela was sitting up in bed, smiling. Ray was practically passed out. Face down, in the pillow, breathing heavily. "Hey, Ray?" "Hmmm." "The jury's still out." "Neela, I am exhausted. Four times in one night is my limit. And I have to work in…3 hours." "Well, I seem to remember hearing you do it 6 or 7 times one night with a certain 14 year old girl." "I was younger then," Ray said. "Ray, that was last year. Iam sorry to say that there has not been enough data to determine whether or notit's a myth that rock stars are better in bed." She traced the tattoo on his back with her tongue. He turned over. "Okay, but you have to do all the work this time." "No problem."

The End


End file.
